Juggling a Relationship with God in College

Managing college and God is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to experience. It’s crazy to think, but once you're in my position you’d understand. Waves of difficulties are crashing down on you and you begin to drown, and instead of calling out for help, you just sink to the bottom. You believe you can handle everything, but oh please trust me when I say it’s impossible.

My personality isn’t like everyone else’s. I’m persistent, determined, hard-headed, dramatic, independent, sensitive, an over-thinker, an over-achiever. I believe I can do everything by myself, even when I know I can’t, and I HATE asking for help. I am NOTHING without God, yet sometimes I let go of Him.

The moments I let go of him, I face the dark parts of my life. I begin to experience anxiety, fear, trouble, chaos, confusion, drama, fights, fractured relationships. I pray every night, I read the Bible, but I still can’t seem to figure out why this is happening to my life. What is missing? Communication and trust. A relationship does not exist without trusting and communicating with each other. You need to put ALL and I mean ALL your strength, faith, and trust into the Lord and He will handle it from there. He never leaves our side, but a wall of worry blocks Him from helping us. Put your guard down, it’s okay to be vulnerable to the Lord, for He knows all our worries before they even appear. He puts these obstacles in our lives to help us grow, not to tear us down. Sometimes it can make us extremely weary, but that’s when we cry out for help more than we did before. God hears all our calls, its up to us to hear His answers.

Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

The idea of looking to God for strength in the midst of hard times is one difficult thing to do. It is perfectly normal to be weak, but it's how you let that weakness define you. Recently, I let some people tell me who I was. I was broken down and beaten, I didn't know why I was doing what I was doing. I was confused and scared, and thats when I said to myself enough is enough. These people made me think so poorly of myself and no one, NO ONE will ever have the power to do that to me ever again. I don’t know what got into me for a hot second, but never again will I let someone control my thoughts like that. I was not myself, and I’m sad it took this long to figure it out, because I thought things would get better, because I always see the good in people, no matter what they did to me. No person is that special to get the privilege of my feelings or thoughts. I am my own person and no one will be able to tell me who I am. People who tear you down are not your friends, remember that. You would think people would be more mature in college, but it's not true. You just have to find the group of people worth worrying for.

"There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will."

This moment in my life helped me put all my faith back into the Lord and actually trust in His plan for me. You will never understand why the things happening are happening to you, and THAT IS OKAY. You don't have to handle the burden of life by yourself, the Lord is living through us for that reason. He wants to walk this journey with us, He wants to hold our hand.

Exodus 33:14 My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.

When you are tired, give yourself to the Lord. He will give you the rest you are yearning for. There is no such thing as rest without Him. Your thoughts will consume you. Balancing college and God is extremely burdensome, but just remember that you aren't alone. Set time for Him, and He will be glad to help you through it. You can only succeed if you want to succeed. Remember that no one can build that relationship with Him other than YOURSELF.

In the last couple of days, I have felt better about myself more than I have this whole year. I feel whole again, and no one will take that away from me again. I have grasped my strengths and weaknesses, and now I know what to look for and what to stay away from. I will give people my all, while keeping apart of me to myself, the piece that only the Lord is allowed to hold.

So thank you, to the people during my first year in college that taught me what to elude. I will only strive for the things that will help me bloom once more.